Well, people like to experience trust and like to know the truth. At the same time, most of us, at least in the USA have been taught that there are many occasions when it is wisest to keep information to oneself. This goes far beyond ‘if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all.’
Most of us also know that control of information is important…and that we need ‘the right people’ to know about our goals and preferences and at the same time, in general we often do not want our opposition to know the same information.
This can make life a little strange for people. People can feel they receive too much or too little information. This is true in both personal and professional life.
This morning on the Internet, I saw an advertisement for a teleseminar about spiritual education. The first message that I received was that it became clear that it was actually just about the need for people to be open and honest with one another when they communicate.
Intriguing because that is one of the very things we have been taught so much to not do.
If you are like me you have been taught to not be completely open or truthful so much that the suggestion that you do so, seems more like someone trying to persuade a mouse that the mouse trap won’t really hurt it than anything else.
Most of us judge our closest relationships as being ones in which we are actually able to be more open and honest and still have mutual love and trust and even like and functionality.
Of course, if people reach a stage of development where one is oneself with everyone…then, do we have to change how we rate intimacy?
In reality, in my own life one of the greatest benefits of 12 step work was that I ended up in a situation where people were practicing honest communication. Confidentiality is also key – which is always ironic….Keep my secrets from others and I will open to you…Such is the world.
Like many of you I prefer to ‘just be myself’ and often it works well but sometimes it really doesn’t do anything except make me realize that I don’t fit in or am surrounded by opponents rather than allies. When it actually does work, it can be a bit of an adjustment to realize that I spent 35 years keeping secrets I didn’t need to keep simply because I was so afraid. Weird. Maybe something like that happened to you to – you never know. Or do you?
A lot of the time, the truth ‘comes out’ one way or another. 300 years from now, if they get the paperwork they will know whether you had just one boyfriend or girlfriend or a bunch. They will know whether you were a crook or straightlaced or something in between – I think a lot of people behave well often but not all the time.
In reality, this is food for thought. The screen of the laptop makes me more relaxed about being more open in certain ways: I’m at home where I currently feel safe because I am: which is a bonus because even lucky me has had times when I really wasn’t even safe at home…which is creepy…So, I’m safe and relaxed and that, combined with not being intimidated by the way anyone is looking at me makes it even easier to write what I think and feel.
I’m sure this is a type of experience that…hundreds of millions of people have. Isn’t that awesome but weird when its like that? I like my individuality and yet, even my rarest traits are found in another 3 or 4 million people…that’s not exactly ‘nobody else’. That’s as many people as there are living in Scotland or Tibet.